Reflected Identities at the Palm Springs Photo Festival

For the past few months, I have been working on a new series.  I started taking portraits of my friends in the Southern California area with an idea in mind. As with a lot of projects I start, they tend to change and take on a life of its own by the time I am ready to show it.  That was the case with "Reflected Identities".  I began the series (I didn't have a title or direction) by photographing my friends for an androgynous series but the more I shot, the more I realized that the portraits were molding into a reflection of me.

Last week, I learned that I was a finalist in the slide show competition at the Palm Springs Photo festival so I attended the festival and spent a few days there.  I was in disbelief when it was announced on Thursday night that I won the grand prize!  There were so many beautiful and powerful slideshows included and I was just thrilled that I was selected to be among the finalists.  When I submitted the show, I had less images than what you see here but ultimately, this is what won the competition.

I want to thank all of the amazing women who have stepped outside of their comfort zone to be completely vulnerable with me.  This has been such a beautiful learning and growing experience... I just can't thank you enough. Many of you have expressed the same so for that, I am grateful. 

I debated on if I should keep the images private and not roll it out to the public, partly because it's so vulnerable to throw it out there.  If my friends can be this open and vulnerable with me, it's only fitting that I do the same with the series.

On a side note... 

A little over four years ago in Palm Springs, I was sitting on a small patch of grass in front of a hotel completely hung over, crying and lost in my life.  That day I stopped drinking alcohol and the months to come I painted and picked up a camera and started shooting.  Last Thursday, I walked on stage in front of hundreds of photographers and people in the industry, to accept the grand prize award. Just a few blocks away sits that patch of grass where I made the decision to change my life.  Anything is possible.

Click to watch below or you can see it directly on VIMEO by clicking HERE

Reflected Identities from Alison Turner on Vimeo.

The Last Self Portrait

I usually take photographs during the day.  I was challenged to come up with something at night.  However, I didn't want the usual street scene with lights, neon, and car headlights.

A friend of mine likes to play a game inspired by the tv show, "I shouldn't be alive."  Or as I like to call it, "I should be dead."  This game is to choose one of the most extreme weather situations to see which one you would rather try to survive in.  The choices are (you are all alone with nothing in these situations) in the middle of the desert, in snow, in the middle of the ocean or the rainforest.  We debate on which would be the least painful and perhaps the most "survivorable."  I chose the rainforest and maybe the desert second.  What would you choose?

Anyway, back to the assignment.  I struggled on what to photograph until I passed by some chopped up pieces of wood in a small industrial area.  The first thought that came to my mind is the scene in the movie Fargo where a person gets fed to the wood chipper.  What if I drove by and saw an arm or leg mixed in with the pile of wood?  Well, why not recreate what was already on my mind?

So I did.  After the wood pile, I was excited to do more self portraits of scenes where you might see legs in areas where you least expect.  Perhaps these are murder scenes as viewed by people passing by or perhaps it's suicide and the camera documents the photographer's last self portrait.  Either way, its what you interpret in your head that makes up the story.

So, this might veer from my normal "style" but a welcome one in my mind.  It's a piece of my inside being reflected in a photograph.  The "last self portraits" were taken in order of the wood, wood chipper, by the telephone pole, and hung from the stairs.  As soon as I began, I couldn't stop thinking of more scenes.

Maybe these scenarios should be included in the "I shouldn't be alive" game.  Well, I suppose these photographs are from the "I didn't survive" program.  Either way, it was fun to do.  As I showed these images to my class, one student shouted out, "you're sick!" That was the best compliment I could have received.  I think he's right.

Self Portrait Assignment

It's the project I dreaded...the self portrait.  I'm taking a class and needed to come up with a self portrait this week. As with most photographers, I would rather be the one taking the photograph and not being the subject.  However, I've seen some amazing examples of what some photographers are doing with self portraits.  One of my new favorites is Kelli Connell.  I also enjoy the self portraits from Jen Davis.

Seeing so many wonderful self portraits from so many talented photographers can both inspire and discourage you, depending on what your brain tells you.  For me, I absolutely LOVE looking at photographs from all photographers and the group of self portraits that Aline Smithson presented were no different.  Very inspiring! Self portraits can be discouraging since it's such a daunting task for some, me included.

I have many ideas in mind and I may or may not share them here.  I will however, share this one.  I took a break from my garage purge project to see if my idea of throwing my camera in the air would work.  I have several photos of me jumping up and down in front of the camera while it's on a timer to laugh at myself and to see what comes from it.  I thought, "why don't I stay still and have the camera jump around?"  Well, I don't think I said that out loud but I wanted to try the timer idea to see if something could become of it.  On my iphone, I have one application that automatically takes one photograph after a ten second countdown.  I stood on grass just in case I didn't catch my iphone and because I don't have a cover or any type of insurance for it. The click of the "shutter" seemed to be delayed a bit so I would focus on my feet while it counted down and try to throw the camera in the air to get it to snap the photo around the same distance between my waist and feet.

I took around thirty or more shots and twenty of them I kept because there was a hint of me in the photo (strand of hair here, a toe there, etc.). Also, most were blurry since the phone tends to flip around when you throw it in the air.  Once I had one in focus I stopped and put these two together.  I still plan to do more self portraits down the road.  For now, I will stay behind the lens.

Documenting a Photographer's Bridal Self Portrait

The past year I’ve been saying yes to opportunities that normally I would question or instantly think of reasons to say no to. Putting fear aside, I decided that saying yes would lead to growth and if anything, an experience you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience if you said no.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from photographer, Susan Sabo that simply asked if I was around the following day to help her on a shoot.  We’ve been facebook friends for a while and I’ve only met her briefly one night but I didn’t think twice to say yes without question.  I didn’t know what she wanted me to do or what the shoot was about but I figured that if she reached out to me, she needed the help.

After I said yes, she told me she was working on self portrait series for the following year titled, “be the bride 2011.” She’s a wedding photographer and wanted to step in the shoes of brides she shoots to understand what it’s like to actually be the bride.

She asked me to meet her at the local park in the city to help her take her self portrait.  She set up the shot and equipment and my job was to help her get ready and essentially, push the button.  When I arrived at the meeting spot, I parked next to her car and wandered around a bit to look for her.  I had no idea what the shot would be like but I started looking by the creek and by trees in the area thinking that she would take a photograph of herself in your typical beautiful lush green surroundings.  I was wrong.

I texted her and asked where she was hiding and she text back telling me to go to the public restrooms.  She was in the bathroom setting up for her self portrait with her wedding dress hung up on the restroom stall and the camera set up and facing the toilet.  This was not your typical bridal scene.

I asked to take photographs to document this experience and she agreed.  I snapped away as I was helping her into her gown and handing her props she brought to use for the scene such as bubble gum, cigarettes, magazines and her bouquet. You know, everything a bride needs for the big day.

As she describes, her speciality is “off beat” weddings.  Also, she likes to go big in her self portraits.  She says, “because frankly, I’m not ready to go home.  It’s not about getting attention or getting a rise out of the viewer; it’s about doing it right, being true to my concept and not letting the fear that someone may not like it keep me from shooting it exactly the way I want.”

For that reason, I admire what she is doing.  She doesn’t care if the final image is shocking to some viewers because it’s her vision and she is holding true to who she is and wants her brides to feel the same way.  They don’t have to stand there looking into the sunset if that is not the person they really are.  It’s all about being true to who you are as an individual and having the photographs from your wedding reflect that.

Saying yes to help a photographer realize her vision was an experience I won’t soon forget.  It’s a good lesson to learn that whatever you want to do, you should do it.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  Be brave. Be yourself.  Don’t care what people will say or what everyone else is doing. You are the only person you have to live with twenty four hours a day so make it authentic to you.